I Couldn’t Open the door
I couldn’t believe it. My hand wouldn’t open the door. It was like the signal from thought to action was completely severed. I wanted to open the door. I had walked up to open the door. I came here to go in.
My arm went up in motion to open the door and then instantly, as if blocked by a forcefield, it stopped. I told my brain again to open the door with no luck. I’m not really sure how best to describe this experience.
I Immediately scanned my area, my perimeter, then my body. All completely normal looking. Nothing set off in my senses, no blockade unseen. I scanned again. I saw that my palms were sweaty, just my palms. Hmmm, ok. That is super weird.
What causes sweaty palms. I didn't know, but I knew it had never happened to me before. Wait, had it? Could I go into the recesses of my mind and find evidence of something like this in my past?
Hmm, now my heart has gotten loud enough to require my current hyper focused attention. It was beating loud, hard, strong and sooo fast, as if I had been running up to the door. But still, the door, I am still being prevented from going in. WTH?!
This doesn’t make sense. Pound. Pound. Pound. I wrung my hands down my pant leg to wipe off the moisture. They stayed moist anyway. I didn’t even know hands sweat. Really?! Hand sweat is a thing?
My brain is still hyper vigilant, uber focused and piercing through the depth of my situation. There must be something here, something going on, something; inside or outside me. All this doesn’t just happen for no reason.
Chemical agent, poisoning, drug, airborne, literal shield of some super futuristic tech. Wait! Ok, whew, one is watching me, WTH?! Okay, walk it back. Observe. Try to breathe slower. Consciously calm the heart rate. Deep breath.
Damn, still sweating palms. What’s stopping my brain or my hand from grabbing the handle on the door? This is ludicrous. Aaaahhh, what’s happening to me? Heart attack, stroke? What are the signs and symptoms?
I don’t even know. Do I know? I can’t even think. Scanning. That makes it a stroke right? If I can’t think, can’t process. Am I dying? Wait, do I believe in other dimensions. Is this like the TV shows? Why the H are my palms dripping in sweat?
Suddenly, ‘Oh, hello. Hi. What, what am I doing. Um, just thinking.’ At least I know this guy. ‘Um aaah. No, I'm not okay! My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing and I can’t make myself open this door…
I’m panicking?? What?! Yeah sure, I can move to the side. I did move to the side, how bizarre. How did he come up on me and I not see him? OMG my brain isn’t working! Why!? I can’t move to say it out loud. Wait, I did move to the side.
Puzzled looks. The door swings open by his hand. Ok, no shield. No force stopping it. No one around that is causing him to survey as if his life depended on it. He held the door open for me.
Pound, pound, pound. I walked in! Ok, still alive, moving now. I rubbed my sweaty hands on my pants again. Ok, my heart is slowing. Hmmm. Just like that, I went back up the stairs back to work again.
What!? I don’t get it? I had no label, no box, no understanding. Panic attack?? How? Why? I need to research that. What brought it on?? All I did was walk up to enter the administration building.
