Ebb and flow
I have 2 younger sisters. The one closest in age, she’s taller than me. She’s many things more than me. She and I, like all other people, ebb and flow in our relationship. Every relationship, chosen or born together, ebbs and flows just like nature.
After all, we are part of nature. Throughout the years my sister and I would talk daily as young girls growing up. She was my haven away from the bothersome and sometimes bullying big brothers. She’s told me now that I was the big sister on a pedestal (sadly for her in this case).
As children and with 6 years between us, it was way different then than now. As we would each go through our own life experiences for our age level we would talk and then not talk for periods of time depending on if the ‘sister’ was the person needed in the moment.
When I went to college I stopped talking as much to my still younger sister. I was just busy with my new life experience, adulting away from home. Later when she joined me near the end of my experience there, we lived together for a bit, so we would talk everyday again.
Her memory of me and what I was like in college was disappointing to her so we ebbed at that point. My boyfriend at the time was undiagnosed bipolar and so wasn’t socially the best sometimes, and down right abusive other times.
She rightfully distanced herself, I wasn’t available anyway. As he left the picture we eventually talked more again, but not for a while because I had trespassed by having such a terrible situation in my life. The ‘big sister’ awesomeness was gone.
When we healed our friendship from this we went to social events, double dates, dances etc. Two single ladies out on the town, it was fun. She found my now husband before I was ready to. She kept trying to get me to meet him.
When she married and moved away we didn’t speak too much for a while, someone else took that place. Distance also stopped the ability to daily speak as easily before cell phones were as common.
As each of our children came and in similar years amazingly, we rebonded and jointly mothered for some time. When our Dad passed, we both siloed at some point after that. Everyone grieves in their own private place.
When our kids hurt each other as kids we decided a bit more separation was healthy to preserve the long term connection. Though neither side ever meant any true harm to the other, each personality has to learn its way. In that we separated a bit.
Through all these ebbs and flows our love was there whether dormant or flowering. Although love can ebb and flow too, for her and I it's mostly been about situations and choices affecting closeness, not affecting the love.
As she divorced, we reconnected and were there together through the parts of it that are shareable. Throughout our kids' youth, I had been off doing my military work in whatever foreign country and we weren’t daily for periods of time.
This went on for years during my service, then she moved into a house across from me. With my life issues, I had to move away shortly after. When she got going on her journey to get a healthy body she was in her own space.
She ate her own special way-for years, none of us joined her. She began to workout, for real and no one was with her, she was doing it herself, for herself, with her power.
Relationships ebb and flow like I’ve described, it’s just part of life. I don’t think either of us have ever meant ill toward the other, but sometimes we’ve been angry or distant, and sometimes we’ve been each other's rock and very thankful for the other.
We’ve shared life as sisters. Sometimes during all this we actually enjoy the attitudes or behaviors of the other person, sometimes not. Sometimes we are literally, exactly when and what the other person needed. We are sisters.
