At a personal development seminar I recently attended, we were asked to, while we went out to lunch, to not only eat, but to improve someone's life. Just to have the intention and focus.

One of my 2 companions was talking to and actually went to sit with the table next to us within 5 minutes. I was at a loss how to personally fulfill our individual assignment. The other spoke to several people on the way out. 

We went for a treat afterwards at a pastry cottage to give me more chances to complete the assignment and again they both talked to a myriad of people.  All I did was judge a woman on the way in.

Yes, while walking into a pastry cottage I judged the looks of a woman. I judge it in myself too… I can’t judge her harsher than I judge me, but still; I mean, I think of myself as a nice person and quite non judgy to most people most of the time. 

And, I didn’t mean to, in fact, I intended quite the opposite. Fail. How easily I failed. I figured, if I can judge the book by the cover, I can at least read the book too, so to speak. So I went up to her inside and asked her what her favorite thing here was.

It happened to be my first time there in truth, so it was a gimme question. She answered rather warmly and elaborated with a story. She also told me more than 1 good treat to try. As the natural end of the conversation arrived, I found myself still without the intention fulfilled.

How had I made anyone's life better? Who knew I would struggle with such an easy assignment. If you know me, I’m more of an introvert but still very natural and easy at good, even deep conversations. I was failing myself.

As she began her transaction, I quickly decided to be the quiet and anonymous payment for her chosen treat.  I signaled the server to me and made it happen. It’s all I could come up with in those last moments of lunch.

It’s a lesser good, it's more banal than I had hoped, but I made the last ditch effort to at least do something.  You know, she probably did more for me in advising me as to where to get the best of every treat she suggested for me.

Now I have a list of awesome places and treats to try, places all over the valley.  And her kindness toward me, even after my judgements; not that she knew, but she was still open enough to a stranger to do good to a stranger and she didn’t even have the assignment. 

I came out of that experience with her, better myself, not because I did something to shout about, but because someone treated me well for no particular reason. Kindness can do that. It makes better the giver and receiver.